The Precious Walk of Faith

The Precious Walk


A car stands deserted next to the road. Taking one final glance backward, the woman wonders, ‘How long before someone will ask why or what or who or how?' She left no farewell note. Who would understand? She desperately needed to be free! Free from worries, fears, concerns, burdens. There didn’t seem to be another way. She crossed the road toward the garden. In her head played the song, Past the Point of No Return from Andrew Lloyd Weber's Phantom of the Opera:

"Past the point of no return
No backward glances
Our games of make-believe are at an end.

Past the point of no return
The final threshold
What warm unspoken secrets
Will I learn
beyond the point of no return?"

She sings Christine’s lines from her own heart:

"You have brought me
To that moment when words run dry
To that moment when speech disappears
Into silence
Silence.

Past the point of no return
No going back now
Our passion-play has now at last begun."

The last words her husband spoke to her, "You and your Precious Walks." He had wanted to spend more time alone with her. She'd felt overwhelmed by the pressures and demands on them. She hoped her family would remember she loved them. They had many happy times together. She clawed at her memory to bring them up now, amidst the chaos swirling in her mind. With hope deferred, disappointment, fear and doubt overtook her mind.

Had they made a tragic mistake choosing to leave the life of wealth and family bliss to spend their lives on the poor? Were they mad? What did they hope to achieve without the status and success they had ascertained? How would they support their family? What future were they securing for their children? Selling their home, cars and moving into a shabby duplex rental that cost as much as their former house payment was absolutely absurd in the world's eyes! Wasn’t it more than a bit arrogant to think they had something the poor needed? Since they traded in full-time employment for full-time ministry what did they hope to have for the poor? Their friends mocked and questioned, just as wealthy parents do a daughter who falls madly in love with a starving artist. How far will love take you? Will it pay the rent? Will it put food on your table?


She wearily put the voices out of her mind again. Money would come. It was a challenge to live a different life. They would overcome one storm just in time for another to come. It all began to spin in her head! Frantically she searched for shelter from the storm. Her husband was doing all he could to keep them going. They had prayed and prayed and prayed. There were answers, to be sure. But not always the ones they were looking for. And other hard things moved onto the field of life. Her well of faith had begun to run stone dead, dry. She'd prayed every prayer, hoped, believed. Still she’d come to the end of Existence Road! Hoping beyond hope that her help would come down from that sacred mountain and meet with her, she’d parked the car and gotten out. The garden was her last resort, the only place she'd known where one could still find peace, rest and shelter from the storm. Surely her beloved would come now, for she no longer could bear the burdens.

As she crossed the road, her eyes beheld the beauty of the garden. Such magnificent splendour and grace at the foot of the mountains. Who could have planned it? What lone human being could possibly know where to plant the right splashes of red, blue, yellow, and orange to blend with the lush green of the grass and the refreshingly cool browns and greys of the bush and mountain? Who knew to strategically place Ericas, Proteas, Agapanthus and hedge in one giant collection that it would cast such brilliant life? And how did those glorious sunrises and sunsets magically appear as the backdrops for this paradise? How did the Egyptian geese, foxes, fish eagles, bok and fowl know this place as refuge? How did they know the lushness of the fynbos would provide shelter for their babies to be protected as they grew? To whom were the birds singing their beautiful morning and evening songs of praise?

Laying aside her anxieties and stress, the garden would become her place of refuge too, forever! The breathtaking colors and blooms of Agapanthus, Ericas, Gladiolus, Proteas and the like would override her thoughts and fears; becoming an oasis of refreshment in the midst of overwhelming grief. There was no turning back now. She had decided. Lost in the woods was the only way to Be. And here she could Be forever.

When the golden sun arose she would sleep, laying her head down under the canopy of protection the almond hedge and the trees providing their lush shade. In the cool of the evening she would walk among this blossoming creation. She would pass her life away trouble free. Her soul would find rest and refreshing, moment by refreshing moment at the streams of the mountain.

The memory of her husband's love touched her heart as the Phantom's lines played in her mind. It became the potion that exposed the deception that had her bound. Christine tears away the mask, revealing the phantom's true face. Truth opens the eyes of her heart… the singing continues in her head:

"Say you’ll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Lead me, save me from my solitude

Say you want me
With you here
Beside you
Anywhere you go
Let me go too
Christine that’s all I ask of… "


"Save me from my solitude,” she cries! In that moment her mind returned to those she loved and to the One who loved her most. She heard His voice say, “The garden was only meant for temporary visits now. She had much still to do.”

Running back through the garden, out the gate and into the crosswalk; the woman gazed at the car standing deserted next to the road. Whew! It was still there, as if waiting for her to take ownership once again. There would come another day perhaps to share visits in the garden with those she loved. Opening the door, she climbed in and drove back through the trash strewn streets where the homeless lay sleeping, through the skyscraper clad busyness of the city, to the place they all called home.

Repentance and Forgiveness

Michael Pritzl wrote a song called the Throne of Grace. I remember hearing him sing: "It's your kindness that leads to repentance; it's your blood that brings forgiveness. In your mercy I find myself at your Throne of Grace." Wow, that is so true. I have always loved Michael J. Pritzl! He is honest in his lyrics, they do come from his heart very wonderfully and creatively reflecting the awesome glory of our God. Can you hear that without it sounding too religious? And yeah, I know Michael is human and not perfect, too!

I like people watching, do you? Not peeping tom style! I like watching people at airports and restaurants- you know, places where you are meeting people? While waiting lots of people may pass by. I look at couples and notice whether they are old, young, together and happy or sad. I note that sometimes people have been together so long they begin to resemble one another! How do I know this? Well, you can just tell! I am, afterall, married to the same man for 26 years. Somedays I hope I don't look like him but I know I do things like he does. Who can help it after so long? I don't know if I am brainwashed or just conditioned!

At the airport recently while waiting to say goodbye to a friend returning to her country from South Africa I had time to observe some people, mindsets, signs and wonders. I noticed an advertisement on a sign at the back wall: Evil prevails whilst good men do nothing. Shocking! No explanation, just the words. It got me thinking for sure. What was their message? Do something! What? Watch out, care, reach out, help, defend, advocate- what? So, if you aren't doing anything then evil is prevailing? No one is allowed to do nothing, okay? Hold your breath if you do! But then I thought, well maybe the sign is there as a quiet mind shaper. Many of the travellers have witnessed more poverty and crime than they might see in a lifetime. Perhaps the sign is trying to influence them to do something that change might occur? Maybe it isn't allowed to say, "Watch your bag, there are thieves about!" Maybe that's the seeker friendly, politically correct way to say to tourists visiting South Africa: "Hey we got crime, you got your game on?" Wake up and smell the coffee!

To be fair, crime and poverty are everywhere. Some countries just do a little better job of blending them into the environment/fray, I think. Some cities in the U.S. have strange ways of doing this. For example, the city of Atlanta offers one way tickets out of their city for homeless vagrants. They must just promise never to come back! That's a hand up, eh? Guess one has to make the most of that bus ride!

I was thinking about the whole repentance and forgiveness thing realizing that offenses are really mercy opportunities to extend grace rather than just shut down and/or isolate ourselves from hurt and disappointment. Fear, hurt, disappoint can be huge thieves in the relationship game. We musn't let these rob or deny us of the gift of relationships! Just helping my friend out at the airport at 7 a.m. I realized our need for one another. She speaks English pretty well but hasn't travelled enough to know where to go and what to do when changing planes. So I asked the airline to arrange a liaison to help her through to the International gate upon her arrival at her next destination. I added that if they had an employee who spoke French it would be very helpful for her. They didn't have anyone! My friend Elizabeth and I had just agreed the day before how South Africa needs to embrace the Africans coming into their cities, escaping their war torn countries. These people speak several different languages, are friendly, trustworthy, sometimes even trained professionals! They could have some of the better jobs if people would give them a chance. We noted that they were gifts from God in a promised land, yet the promised land didn't want to accept them for what they were! Hmmm, spot any pattern? It denies the promised land of its destiny! Why is America called the melting pot? Do they eat a lot of chocolate? Maybe, but that's not the point. Many foreigners have immigrated to America and found jobs, security and acceptance. South Africa seems only to embrace South Africans. All others are tourists which of course are welcome but not for long. Once they have spent all their money, it is time to go home! But the refugees, down and out on their fortunes, etc. are not considered or allowed to be Proudly South African! The very next day I was already able to identify positions where we could put them to good use! They welcome us in their countries, what's wrong with us?

With that said, what's wrong with us that we don't want to resolve our differences? If I hurt you I beg you to tell me so that we can get to the root cause and sift it out! I don't want you to walk around with a limp or chip on your shoulder and neither do I want to walk around with one! In fact, I believe God uses these to get our attention- to expose stuff in us that needs to come out! But it's only coming out when we choose to acknowledge it, repent and seek forgiveness! God is already longing to deliver us, we just need to get in touch with God!

Some friends of mine had a falling out years ago, then painstakingly it was patched up. Recently salt opened old wounds and the battle lines were drawn. They are family! Yet this one points at that one and says, "No, I can't be comfortable with what you did." And the other can't let go because he really didn't understand what it was all about to begin with! Why don't we want to be free? All it takes is humility and love! Yeah, I know those are huge prices, but the rewards far outweigh the costs! Try it, you'll like it!

My friend David used to say, "Get over it!" Oh, how that pushed my buttons! I thought in reply, "I would like to get over it, but you are part of what I need to get over!" Over the course of our friendship I have realized that that very phrase and that very friend were purposely put in my path to push those buttons that would force me to get real about my feelings, truthful then about communicating to one another and not allowing anything to come between our relationship. Wish I could say I was a perfect angel at it, but I wasn't. Today I am so grateful to David for all he has endured as a result of being the brunt of my baggage! Where is the Lord God of Elijah now? Well, if any of us are anything like Elisha and actually "see" Elijah, then we will receive that double portion promised! Otherwise one of our spiritual daughters had a teacher in school who used to say after not turning in homework: "Oh well hon, Zero!" And that's what you got for a grade that day, a big fat zero! It's also what we get when we don't fight for those relationships, fervently seeking out that which has come between us until it is dealt with and gone! Get Over It!!!!

Excuse me... do you know the way to the promised land?

What happens when we get lost or confused? I guess first we have to admit that we ARE lost and/or confused. I mean, I know some men in my life who would never let that happen! They would appear to have gotten us lost but they aren't willing to admit we are truly lost, just momentarily on a different road. We smile knowingly it's just that our spouse, father, brother, friend's nature is not to admit he is wrong. That's not the most important thing to me- that they might be wrong. What is important is their willingness to be teachable, to listen, to converse, discuss and receive data they did not necessarily come up with on their own.

It reminds me of conversations I've had in my life where I wasn't connecting communcatively. I thought it was the responsibility of the other person to figure out what I was saying. How could I fail? I knew what I wanted to say! Yet, along the way I've discovered there are these things called filters. Another name might be chip on your shoulder. Or biased judgment, stiff necked, hard-headed, unwilling to listen or learn, etc. Aren't we all like that when it comes to getting our point across? Does it have something to do with offendable hearts? If we could just not be so easily offended by what another says. Yet, if we can be offended we will be offended, won't we? It's a little hot potato game! Why are we offended? Do I offend others? Is it my intention? And that being said, does that matter? Once it's done, it's done. I guess Forrest was right people are like a box of chocolates, stupid is as stupid does! I just now get that! We can be offended and reflexively choose to offend back. It's working well for the countries around the world in war, let me tell you! So why do we do it? Why aren't we willing to look deeper to see what's inside that pushes people's buttons? Why don't we care?

In relationships it would appear to be a two way street. Each comes to their lane with compliance to drive on their correct side and to watch out for others, not hitting or crashing into each other. Now, is that because we are playing by the rules or because we are looking out for our own best interest? Could it also be because we know tit for tat is like stupid is as stupid does. One stupid sees another doing stupid things that cause the first one to stoop lower and do even more stupid things! Our goals in relationship/communication are not on the same page! We see what we see and want the other to see that! And we aren't looking anywhere else till he does! That's my story and I am sticking to it! "Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." But you know what you want, don't you?

Go make disciples?

What do you think Jesus meant when he said this? Did he mean go sign up as many as you can find that will follow you? I find it interesting that they didn't run right out there and do it! It took a terrible persecution to bust them out of their comfort zones, didn't it? Wonder why?

There are so many combinations of guesses. If I think about why I might have a little trouble going today I come up with a few huge roadblocks. But how can these block the path Jesus is lighting for us? There are the usual ones for me- my family. I miss my family very much. I don't get to see my brothers and sister's kids and grandkids growing up. I miss out on the chance to know them and be part of their lives. I suppose my family speaks of me around the kids and there are amazingly miraculous times when we do get to visit, although never for very long. So, family is huge and then extended family- friends and those we've just grown to love and grow old with. What about them? Relationships change when one moves. But our hearts are still attached, bound, if you will to those we love. It's uncertain whether they really know that or how they feel. Even today with all the technology available, it still isn't easy to keep in touch with some of them.

So back to disciples. Should we go into all the world as Jesus said? Or rather stick around home and disciple those we know? Well, it looks as if the more normal thing to do would be stay home, love the family and disciple those around you, your loved ones, right? But... what if.... God spoke and said go to some land where I will lead you? You have to go, right? And how will you find those to disciple?

To Be or Not To Be, That is The Question!

P.S. It's not like the dawn just came over marble head. I did know all I previously shared. But knowing it and experiencing it are all together different, aren't they now?

I think of the numbers of people who are truly touched at evangelical altar calls to come and receive Jesus in your heart. Most cases, this is very real HS stuff! All too often though, there is no one to walk with that person afterward, modeling true relationship like Jesus did. Instead we have people who teach about it. I remember John Wimber asking the first church he attended, when did they do that stuff they kept reading about in the Bible? Why should we be any different? Is it good enough just to know what you know or do you need to dial down and be?

Be what? That is the question, isn't it? What should we be? What do you want me to be? What did Jesus model for us? He "be-ed" the Son of God, right? Who are you? Sons and daughters of the King of Kings, right? Have you ever stopped to ask God what does that mean? I mean, we are so busy doing the stuff, when do we hang out with God? When do we talk to him, when do we notice those in prison, sick, naked, hungry, cold, etc.? When we slow down, stop following formulae and BE! Be His! Song of Solomon teaches: "I am my Beloved's and He is mine!" Can we get that? Can we ponder it like Mary pondered in her heart? Might that be the way to start be-ing?

I am not suggesting swing from one extreme to the other. I am suggesting that true being is somewhere in the center of the two extremes and out of our relationship with Him everything else flows. That's how I came to be in this family called 'Blood n Fire' which is really just another part of the Kingdom of God family in which we all belong. But that's another story. To be or Not To Be, that is the question; isn't it?

The Promised Land of Relationship

Maybe it was a hasty decision to retitle the blog. Afterall, it really is a journey. So be it! Time will tell whether right or wrong, for now it stays.

All day I've been in this thought mode, cogitating really on present happenings. Ned and I were talking to our son. I'll bet all pastors' kids hate it when their parents use them as illustrations especially when others discover things about them. This one I think will be for good all the way round, though.

We were discussing when would we get to the point in our relationship (events occurred previously that divided our relationship with one another) when we could be transparent, vulnerable even, so that God's healing grace could really begin to rebuild. He pointed out that we are not at that place yet, very quickly and agitatedly. To which I responded cuttingly and with frustration that that was just the point. We are always pointing fingers or hearing through our own filters. We agreed to at least aim for getting there. We would start by believing the best and not responding in anger and hurt but honestly and maturely as best we could. And we would all do our best to help each other with it.

Tonight while Ned and I were praying for him and the family it hit me right between the eyes! That's it! The place where we are reconciled to our Father! Sin has divided us and prevented us from seeing, hearing and comprehending our Father's heart for us! Jesus laid down His life for us, showing us the Way to the Father. Laying down our lives for one another as He did for us. Denying one's self, preferring one another. Jesus laid down His life for us and God chose to forgive us! In His awesome grace and love for us He allowed Jesus to show us the Way back!

Why do bad things happen to good people? Could it be that's what it takes for us to recognize how far away we have gone? How wide the gap between us has become? Oh, how much more His heart has been hurting all the while! Yet when He has the right to turn away and truly forget us, He sends His Son to die for us so that we can find our Way back to Him! What a prodigal Father indeed!

Oh how I wish I could find that doctor I met on the plane to Costa Rica years ago. He was a creatinologist (is there such a thing?) from Rhode Island. And his big question that kept him from believing there was a God was why did He allow such terrible things to happen to innocent people. Everywhere I read in the Bible God's broken heart is revealed. Not to be on show but to show that He cares for us so very much!

Saturday a formerly homeless woman, Anne, called me to ask if I was coming to visit her. She and her husband Walter were out of food, broke and in need. I told Anne I couldn't come that day because the car was still being repaired. It was true but more importantly Anne needed to ask God not me. I know she was but maybe I needed to be reminded to pray. That's what we did, over the phone, me in English and Anne in Afrikaans. And Sunday morning early she called to tell me how God had heard those prayers and answered them! I have to be honest here, I was beginning to doubt my prayers were effective at all per the previous stuff happening at home. Anne's called renewed my conviction! God does hear and wants to respond! Then I started thinking of all the other prayers I prayed that he had recently answered.

All to the point, there is a huge promised land of relationship on offer and it starts with us and our Heavenly Father! Some of us may not have known Him, believed before, whatever... but He still will never leave us or forsake us! He is so available if we will stretch out our hand he will respond. I can see the disciple stretching his hand toward Jesus as he sunk into the water and Jesus pulling him up as quickly as he asks for help. He stops looking at his circumstances and focusses on the One who is all!